This interview is for “Hailing Hellions,” a Q&A series where I interview sex workers (or ex-sex workers) who have modeled for me and my Sex Positivity* book project. Today’s guest is Delilah Gallo!
*The longer title being Sex Positivity versus Sex Coercion, or Gothic Communism: Liberating Sex Work under Capitalism through Iconoclastic Art (2023). Part of an overarching movement that connects sex positivity to what I call “Gothic (gay-anarcho) Communism,” Sex Positivity essentially provides a hybrid; i.e., one established between academic (Gothic, queer, game and Marxist) theories, and wherein applied theory towards universal liberation is achieved by challenging Capitalist Realism (the inability to imagine a world beyond Capitalism) at a grassroots level. To it, Gothic Communism specifically occurs through direct mutual worker action and informed intersectional solidarity relayed through Gothic poetics: BDSM, monsters, and kink, but specifically what I call “ludo-Gothic BDSM.” If you’re curious about the book and want to know more, the first four volumes (and additional information) are available for free (the series is non-profit) on my website’s 1-page promo.
General CW: BDSM, Gothic content and theatrics (e.g., rape play and death theatre), as well as sex worker abuse and bigotry of various kinds (variable per interview).
Specific CW: moe/ahegao, incest and rape content in Japanese media.
Note: All images are of the model or myself unless otherwise stated.
Permissions: Any publicly available images are exhibited for purposes of education, transformation and critique, thus fall under Fair Use; private nude material and collabs with models are specifically shared with permission from the original model(s). For more details about artist permissions, refer to the book disclaimer.
Concerning Buggy Images: Sometimes the images on my site don’t always load and you get a little white-and-green placeholder symbol, instead. Sometimes I use a plugin for loading multiple images in one spot, called Envira Gallery, and not all of the images will load (resulting in blank white squares you can still right-click on). I‘ve optimized most of the images on my site, so I think it’s a server issue? Not sure. You should still be able to access the unloaded image by clicking on the placeholder/right-clicking on the white square (sometimes you have to delete the “?ssl=1” bit at the end of the url). Barring that, completed volumes will always contain all of the images, whose PDFs you can always download on my 1-page promo.
About the series: Like the book series it attaches to, “Hailing Hellions” aims to educate and critique; i.e., by raising awareness towards sex worker rights, but also gender-non-conformity through Gothic counterculture. This extends to gender identity (e.g., trans, enby or intersex) but also orientation and performance; i.e., BDSM and sex positivity through various Gothic theatrical roles that invite things beyond vanilla, heteronormative (thus conservative, reactionary and harmful) sexuality. I would consider this to be things like mommy dommes and consent-non-consent, breeding fantasies and heavy metal (e.g., Satanic material and the Gothic at large). Also, these questions are broader insofar as they cover wide praxial/poetic ideas and concepts. Regarding these, the opinions of the subject and myself are not identical, but often overlap through us collaborating together to raise awareness.
About the interviewee: Delilah Gallo is someone I’ve worked with before; re: by drawing them as a witch for Volume Three’s 2025 promotion, “All the World“! I’ve also featured them in “Paid Labor“! They’re a certified sex educator and lovely to play with, but also listen to about their area of expertise! Also, they’re one of my muses and have their own page on my website!
(model and artist: Delilah Gallo and Persephone van der Waard)
0. Persephone: Hi, everyone! My name is Persephone van der Waard. I’m a trans-woman erotic artist, sex worker, writer/author and researcher who specializes in cross-media studies; i.e., I have my independent PhD in Gothic poetics and ludo-Gothic BDSM (focusing on partially on Metroidvania).
Delilah, could you introduce yourself and share a little about yourself with our audience?
Delilah: I’m Delilah! I’ve been an online sex worker since 2020, and I’m a sex educator as well. I’m a leftist and work a lot in the spaces of kink, neurodivergence, sexual health, gender, sexuality, porn, sex work, and intersections of oppression.
1. Persephone: This book project views sex positivity as a liberating act. What does sex positivity mean to you? Illustrating mutual consent; i.e., can porn illustrate mutual consent when sex workers are constantly dehumanized by the profit motive and the status quo?
Delilah: Well, I think that everything under capitalism and the need to work and make money in order to live is dehumanizing in and of itself. So, no, I don’t think porn or sex work are in any way some kind of ultimate exception to the fact that it is extremely fucked up to live under a system that forces you to create “value” in order to survive and be given access to what are basic human rights. That being said, I think sex positivity can be so many different things. I think it is about honoring the fact that sex, sexuality, sexual expression, pleasure, health are all fluid. All of these things change over time, and our relationship to things will evolve just like anything else in our lives. Sex positivity is about knowing that there is no “one size fits all” answer to anything regarding sex, but rather giving ourselves and others understanding and permission to figure it out. Sex positivity is not about being your most erotic self 24/7 and having the most sex, or masturbating all the time, having the biggest collection of toys. But it is knowing that you are able to empower yourself with information about sex, take away the socialized fears, take control of your healthcare as much as we can under these systems, and embrace all of the weird unique aspects of sexuality that make us human. Honestly I think that part of sex positivity is allowing sex to be a neutral thing, too. Just taking away that scary charge we are taught to believe, and facing it head on as just another part of life and identity and something we should be allowed to freely explore with the appropriate information we need.
2. Persephone: In your mind, what is the biggest struggle facing sex workers today?
Delilah: Stigma. General lack of knowledge surrounding not only sex work and workers, but sex. The amount of shame that is pushed onto us really does a number, and it makes it harder to have these conversations about how to ensure the safety and autonomy of sex workers. This shame and stigma feeds into people not listening to SWers who are being directly harmed whether through a lack of solidarity, or direct legislative attacks. I mean, SWers have been the canary in the coalmine for so many issues over literal centuries and it has been basically completely ignored. Today, this comes about with issues of censorship. We have seen these piss poor, biased, ineffective, propaganda filled pieces of legislation come up that claim they are about protecting children online but are actually going to do massive amounts of harm to sex workers one way or another. And SWers talk ad nauseum about this being a threat to the privacy of everyone on the internet, a threat to all forms of free speech, a threat to the queer, trans, disabled, BIPOC, and other oppressed populations specifically as well as everyone else. And it is met with silence, if not outright contempt. Lo and behold, SWers are proven correct most of the time. This community is among the first to be targeted by social and governmental oppression, but rarely advocated for. “First they came for the sex workers, and nobody said anything because we thought they were all just whores” is kinda how I think of it.
3. Persephone: How do you feel about sex work being work, thus paying sex workers for their labor? This can be unions, but also their representations in media at large.
Delilah: I fundamentally don’t understand why so many stop their definitions of labor once it coincides with pleasure of some kind, or sexuality. This idea that any work isn’t “real work” is based entirely in classist, racist, ableist rhetoric meant to devalue labor to justify people not paying for it and exploiting the workers. But ultimately, sex workers are providing some kind of service that another person is seeking. Whether someone wants to pay for a new computer or a blow job, that’s their business, and the product/service is being provided for the agreed upon fee. You’d think that capitalists who talk on and on about the free market and innovation would be the ones acting as the biggest advocates for sex workers who are literally creating and using a free market with our skills, but they’re instead the ones who get the most angry. That’s ultimately because we represent a socialist/communist model of workers owning the means of production. You don’t get much more direct ownership of a product than it being your own body. When it comes to media representation, I could and have spoken for hours on this. A majority of the media we see on sex work exists to uphold the larger social narrative which is that sex workers aren’t people but more concepts. Whether it’s the stripper with the heart of gold, or the dead hooker killed at a bachelor party, these pieces of media further stigmatize and dehumanize sex workers. There have absolutely been shining examples of the exact opposite, media that debunks myth, upholds the autonomy of SWers, and even allows for them to actually enjoy their jobs. For some reason that’s a big sticking point for people. This idea that it’s fine to be a sex worker as long as you absolutely hate it or have a noble reason to do it like going to school or paying for a parents medical bills. Anyway, ones that stick out to me as positive are Poor Things, Good Luck to You Leo Grande, and Bonding. Unfortunately, for every Bella Baxter there are about a dozen or more unnamed assaulted SWers on shows like SVU or Game of Thrones. Under those circumstances they don’t exist as people, merely props and plot devices. It is no wonder that people may have less than accurate ideas of what sex work actually is, looks like, or can be.
4. Persephone: What are your thoughts on Communism vs Capitalism using Gothic poetics? Can monsters be gay Commies?
Delilah: Honestly I don’t know enough about gothic poetics to comment. That being said, anyone can be a gay commie if they are down with queerness and sharing! There’s no rule that says werewolves can’t engage in some good old fashioned gay sex and discuss praxis!
5a. Persephone: What drew you to the project/interested you in working on it together with me?
Delilah: You reached out to me and I saw that we had followers in common and they were sex workers who I have known for awhile and trusted. It was like a quick vetting, just checking our mutuals.
5a. Persephone: How has that experience been for you? Can you describe it a little?
Delilah: It has been great, honestly. It is sadly rare that someone will come to me with specific details of what they are wanting, as well as maintaining even a bare minimum level of professionalism. You were far beyond the bare minimum don’t worry! But having very clear visions of what you are wanting, what others have done/experienced, basically a business plan and outline available, made it all the more positive to work with you.
6. Persephone: If you feel comfortable talking about it, can you talk about being GNC? What does that mean to you?
Delilah: So I identify as non-binary femme and that’s of course under the trans umbrella. Being AFAB and femme, I do sometimes feel almost like a fraud? I mean, there is no correct way to be GNC, but it is a vast universe of possibilities. And sometimes me being easily clocked as AFAB due to my femme presentation, using she/her pronouns, it can make me feel like I almost can’t claim that I’m GNC. I have to catch myself when I am going down those paths of thought because if someone else came to me and said any of those things, of course I would understand, but first and foremost I would validate them being GNC! Because there truly are no rules. No real requirements. I think everyone’s gender is a deeply personal aspect of identity that only they can truly define and speak on. Some people may not even be able to because they haven’t plunged into those depths of their being. This could be due to fear, not knowing they can, or some kind of blissful ignorance, whatever. For me, it is a privilege and honor of my life that I am GNC and have had the ability to explore and get to know myself to that level. Learning that everything is made up and I can create my own rules to live by were huge in that. My whole life I had felt like a lot of labels (woman, lady, ma’am, girl) were put on me and I was just like “oh, okay, I guess I need this?” but they never felt like home. It felt like an alien just putting on a costume going “they wanted me to wear this.” So when I was able to be like “oh, I’m not a woman. I’m just me.” That was what felt like a step closer in coming home to myself.
7. Persephone: What do you enjoy most about sex work? What got you started in it?
Delilah: I think in some ways I was just sort of fated? I grew up with a more progressive and honest representation of sex in my family which put me miles ahead of my peers getting more fear based information. Through my life I have also just had a special interest in sex, sexuality, sexual health, gender, and so on. We can thank AuDHD for that. And when COVID came, I had already been thinking of starting online sex work and it was just sort of good timing. Good in that I was able to get started because I was home, less good in that everyone seemed to have the similar thought process. But once I got beyond the oversaturation of the market, I stuck with it! In terms of what I enjoy about it, there is honestly so much. I’m very privileged, and don’t solely rely on my work to provide what is needed. That being said, I love being able to set my own hours, and aside from clients I don’t really have anyone to “answer to.” I also love being able to learn about people, connect with them, experience them. I have met some of the most incredible people through sex work both in my peers and clients. I love the spectrum of sexual interest and pleasure, learning about kink and expression, being able to validate people. Honestly it is truly such an honor to be able to hold space for people who are oftentimes feeling vulnerable, due to shame or shyness. It is a position I do not take lightly, and I try to make sure my clients know that I am not going to ever judge them, and want them to be able to be authentic and curious in a safe place.
8. Persephone: Do you have a favorite piece of sex work that you’ve done, in terms of custom material?
Delilah: At this point I am over 5 years in, and have had so many requests and sessions that it is hard to think of one that really stands out. I always like writing custom erotica, that is always such a fun way to get creative and find ways to sort of lure people in. Writing is such a fun way to get people aroused because it is less expected now that we have so much access to audio and visual material.
9. Persephone: Do you friends and family know about the work that you do? How do you talk about it with other people who aren’t sex workers; i.e., how do you communicate sex worker rights to non sex workers?
Delilah: For the most part, those close to me are aware. Though I don’t bring it up much if I can help it, because non-SWers just cannot relate on the same level and don’t understand the issues to the same degree. When I am talking about how SWers are impacted by different things, I map it out with my experience in other areas like gender studies to reach them more easily. And I provide other resources for it all. Generally the people I talk to and associate with agree with me on most things so it’s not too difficult to get them there, I just also don’t relish the opportunity to hear non SWers chime in about the industry they don’t actually know anything about and can only speak on from the perspective of what they’ve seen on TV or whatever.
10. Persephone: What are your thoughts on TERFs in sex work; i.e., those who devalue GNC minorities (and other marginalized groups) in the same profession?
Delilah: I think a lack of solidarity in any profession denotes entitlement, selfishness, colonized mindsets, and that they’ve fallen for the propaganda of “scarcity.” It’s pure hypocrisy and I don’t tend to waste my breath on it.
11. Persephone: How do you feel about billionaires? Israel and Palestine?
Delilah: There are no ethical billionaires. Point blank period. It’s wealth hoarding while people starve and are literally enslaved. As for Palestine, it’s pretty obvious to me. Jewish trauma was weaponized and morphed into a tool of colonial imperialism to occupy territory in the Middle East to benefit Western powers who wanted access to oil. For evangelicals, it’s to bring about the end of days. It is genuinely sickening to me that the valid and understandable fear of Jewish people is used to validate genocide. The amount of brainwashing and propaganda that has been used to make people endlessly loyal to an apartheid state is astounding. There is nothing about Zionism that is in line with Judaism. And the idea that it is is what makes antisemitism all the more common. There are entire populations of Jewish people who have no idea what the reality of Israel is, and have been taught it was barren land before the return of Jewish people after WWII, but of course that is not the case. Besides, since when has the Western world cared about Jewish people because it is the right thing to do? It’s easy for American politicians to call protests antisemitic, but make no mention of the fact that a large amount of the people who organized the protests are Jewish themselves. They don’t tell you about the rabbis who stand in solidarity with Gaza, or the movements headed by Jewish Voices For Peace. It’s racism, it’s Islamophobia, and it’s censorship. Nobody talks about how international law recognizes the right of an occupied people to defend themselves, or the Nakba, or the 1967 borders. Of COURSE Jewish people deserve safety, but that cannot and will not come about by flattening Palestine. Palestinians deserve safety, too, and it has been nearly a century of them being terrorized by the Western powers’ increasingly violent militaries. It is literally newborn babies against some of the most sophisticated weapon technology ever conceived. That doesn’t even begin to describe the level of horror that we have seen unfold over the last year and a half, which should shake any human to their very core. Free Palestine. And all occupied territories.
12a. Persephone: What are some of your favorite GNC pieces of media (e.g., I love Sense8 and Heartbreak High)? Do you have any GNC role models?
Delilah: So Bob’s Burgers got off to a rough start as far as representation and sensitivity of trans and queerness, but it has come so far. That show is so queer and so GNC. They had an entire episode centered around Louise [above] being angry and confused as to why she isn’t a “girly girl” and it just warmed my heart so much. They didn’t outright say Louise is enby, but they at least provided that space to start those conversations. Other media I love that has GNC aspects are of course Sense8, Steven Universe, The Umbrella Academy (Zionist actors notwithstanding), and a few more I won’t blather on about too much. As far as role models go, I sort of look up to every GNC person because of the way I know they have done the work to get to know themselves; i.e., on a level that most people haven’t, and even if I have also done that, I think it’s just admirable in a person. Specifically, I think of Alok Vaid-Menon, Bob The Drag Queen, Mae Martin, Janelle Monae, Big Freedia, Liv Hewson, Jesse (James) Rose.
12b. Persephone: To that, GNC people often find their families outside of their birth families; did you have to go elsewhere for that, or is your family relatively understanding of your queerness?
Delilah: My family is thankfully incredibly accepting. I never really had any moments that I felt the need to “come out” as anything. I remember as a kid, probably about 10-11, talking to my dad about how I was thinking I might be gay. He sat with me said, “well, honey, that’s okay. You don’t have to have that figured out, and I’m gonna love you no matter what. Unless you really piss me off.” Classic dad move to end on a joke, right? And it was all just really a non issue. For awhile I went by a different name and they all made an effort to use it, as well as varying the pronouns and words used to refer to me like replacing “daughter” with “child.”
13. Persephone: What about sex workers? Do you have anyone you look up to in particular?
Delilah: Just about every single sex worker I know is a hero to me. I am constantly in awe of all of the work we do, the artistry and creativity, the time commitment, the industry knowledge. I have to specifically shout out some of my all time favs: Roxie Rusalka*, Serena Salem, Jet Setting Jasmine, Trinity Blair, Bratty Cooper, Ruby Soho, Adam Surge, Enby Robot, Knotty Rell, Spoop Bee, Blossom Bratt, Leah Von Noire, Zuri Love, Shanna Sins, Kathrine Bush, Indigo Fatale, Mami Treez, Maniac Bitch (Dai), Bet The Narratophile, Sinead Rhiannon, Tamora’s Pie Shop, Darling (Kym), Honey (It’s Honey Live), Zai Greywind, and I could go on but I will end it there for now!
*two exhibits from me having worked previously with Roxie Rusalka and Sinead Rhiannon: 6b2b (left) from “Manifesto and Instruction” and 32c (right) from “Knife Dicks.”
14. Persephone: There’s often a strong theatrical component to sex work and BDSM; i.e., costumes, gender roles, aesthetics of power and death, music, makeup. How do these things intersect for you, and do they cross over into real life for you? For example, do you find yourself wearing similar clothing and expressing yourself sex-positively when you’re not on the clock?
Delilah: Oh, for sure! I think it’s a big misconception that elements of performativity during sex means someone is not really enjoying themselves or that it’s lying somehow? To me, I see more as embracing other sides of ourselves and sort of allowing that “character” to come out. I have my own personas day-to-day, but there is a lot of overlap. I don’t think much about wearing my fishnets and boots out to go grocery shopping, or wearing clothes that say “PUSSY” going for a walk with my dogs. My self expression is very tied into sex positivity and kink and sexuality so there’s a lot that goes together. But like everyone I know there are situations in which certain things aren’t appropriate or appreciated, and would either tone it down or amp it up accordingly.
15. Persephone: There’s often an animal component to sexuality and gender expression, helping workers establish close bonds with each other and nature; i.e., furries, but also therians and various kinks; e.g., puppy play. How do you feel about these things, be they for work, pleasure, or both?
Delilah: The way human beings have decided we are somehow the exception to the natural world is where so many issues come from. We are not that uniquely special, and embracing our animalistic natures and our connections to the Earth and other lifeforms is, in my view, essential for understanding oneself. In whatever way someone finds it useful, I think that’s great! It doesn’t have to be about eroticism just to come to the place where we can learn about how animals communicate, how we care for nature. To me, everything can become erotic in how we interact with it, and nature is absolutely included in that.
16. Persephone: Sex workers are generally treated as monsters to harm and exploit under capital. Do you have a preferred way of expressing the humanity of sex workers, be that simply stating it or through the work that you do, art, or some combination, etc?
Delilah: I do it in every way that is available to me. I have made art, I write it in the captions of my work, I discuss it in conversations with peers and civilians. I try to put even too fine of a point on it and emphasize loudly that sex work is validated throughout history and there is no such thing as unskilled labor or a fake job. If necessary I can go off into a well-cited tangent about these things, or I can do my best to keep it at a couple choice phrases to make my stance known.
17. Persephone: Do you have a particular aspect of liberation you like to focus on; e.g., fat liberation or decriminalizing sex work? To that, what’s the difference between positive thinking and liberation in your eyes?
Delilah: Everything connects, so it’s hard to pick just one aspect of liberation because if you zoom out you can see that the entire fight against oppression is a spiderweb. The biggest issues to me are ending the prison industrial complex coupled with the war machine, climate change/environmentalism, and human diversity that relates to health, gender, sexuality, race, ability, age, skill, basic needs, perspective.
18a. Persephone: How do you feel about BDSM and using calculated risk to confront and heal from trauma? I.e., using collars or whips to experience pain or control as pleasurable, not harmful (I love collars, for instance).
Delilah: All of life is a sort of calculated risk, and when you find a way to exercise control over certain things that can lead to deeper levels of understanding yourself, healing, connection, I think that’s great! Of course that’s if everyone is risk aware, practicing consent, and have safety precautions as needed. Another reason why education is so important.
18b. Persephone: Was there ever a moment where you were on the fence about BDSM or sex work/in the closet, but something happened that changed everything? I.e., was it gradual or more a singular event that motivated you to change; or, were you always kind of out (for me, I decided to change after several bad exes, but also watching Stranger Things, and relating to Max’s brush with Vecna in a GNC way)?
Delilah: Honestly I have always just been willing to at the very least talk about these things, so for me it wasn’t ever something I had to be convinced about. People love to say “nobody grows up wanting to do sex work” but I don’t relate to that because I was definitely in middle school thinking about being a stripper or working a peep show. I was, and am, often drawn towards aspects of life people are hesitant to discuss. So not only is sex a sort of taboo, but sex work and kink are like even deeper levels of that! Of course I have always wanted to dive in and learn about it, experience it.
19. Persephone: Does expressing yourself in a dehumanized BDSM position (e.g., CNC or living latex, etc) or state of existence speak to your humanity as something to value?
Delilah: From a psych perspective, absolutely. It’s asking for someone to see you in a specific way and validate you that way. There is basically no limit of “reasons” someone might want to be a specific role in a scene, but ultimately it is about portraying yourself in these ways and being seen by the other person or people as having value in that role and beyond it.
20. Persephone: What got you interested in BDSM? Do you have a preference in terms of what you give or receive?
Delilah: Like I said before I think on some level it has just always been part of me and my sexuality. It is something I never considered strange for myself. In terms of giving/receiving I feel like in most spaces I would probably be classified as a gentle pleasure domme. Though really I’m switchy and part of it all for me is finding the role that best fits the person/people and mood. I’m like a sexual mood ring.
21. Persephone: In your mind, is BDSM inherently sexual? If so or if not, can you explain why?
Delilah: No. BDSM can be related to sex but there are plenty of aspects that aren’t about sex but about pleasure and the two aren’t always connected- just related for most folks. It may also be about healing, connection/intimacy, self reflection. There is so much more to BDSM and kink in general beyond the stereotypical dominatrix wearing latex holding a riding crop.
22. Persephone: Does BDSM inform the sex work that you do in an educational or therapeutic way?
Delilah: Absolutely. I lead with the intention to normalize and validate sexuality as neutral. Far too often people are so overcome with shame they can’t even discuss sex without choking on some words and censoring themselves. I speak quite plainly about things, even if it’s a limit of mine. I don’t ever want people to feel shamed by me for their desires they cannot control. Being aware of these things allows me to see each person inquiring about a service more fully and gives me the chance to make sure they know that I am not judging them for it, which can lead to an incredible feeling of liberation and relief for them. Providing that is a wonderful aspect of my job.
23. Persephone: In terms of calculated risk, how does it feel to surrender some degree of power in a scenario where you can’t actually be harmed? Or vice versa, if you have more power? Do you have a preference and if so, why?
Delilah: To me it’s super fun! It’s like being able to play around with roles that I am not usually finding myself in. There’s a sex educator named Midori and I learned from them kink is play, it’s “cops and robbers but with fucking.” I think it’s so fun to be able to do that. And just like play, and everything in our lives, we are risking getting hurt. It’s just a matter of finding what we are willing to risk and with whom we want to take that risk. I’m switchy so for me it really depends on mood, partners, dynamics, all of that
24. Persephone: If you feel comfortable answering, can theatrical disempowerment feel healing or therapeutic to you in regards to real trauma?
Delilah: I have never necessarily felt healing from it but I know it absolutely can be. Whether you are role playing on stage, in a therapist’s office, or in the bedroom, there are aspects of it that are proven to help the brain process trauma.
25. Persephone: What’s the most stressful thing about sex work? The most liberating?
Delilah: Stigma and judgment that impacts our ability to do our work safely whether online or in person. Legislation in regards to both the internet and FSSW that claims to be about protection but directly harms a vulnerable population AND doesn’t even protect those it claims to. Liberation-wise, being able to experience people in their vulnerable yet authentic places. Learning more about others and myself through sexual expression. People thanking me for what I do is incredibly liberating because I wouldn’t be able to do it if it were under the strict regulation of capitalist, repressive structures. It’s a job that reminds me every day we don’t have to do things just because we are told it’s how it’s done.
26. Persephone: What are the benefits to doing sex work in today’s day an age versus in the past? What do you think needs to improve; e.g., open reactionary bigots versus moderate SWERFs posturing as feminists speaking for all groups?
Delilah: The Internet! Sex work can be totally online which offers a huge safety net provided you are still taking precautions like VPNs, wiping meta data, etc. Being able to set your own hours, boundaries, prices, it allows for so much independence. In general, we need to see decriminalization to allow SWers to do their work safely and independently. We need comprehensive sex education to normalize sex and undo the shame and stigma related to sex whether it’s related to queerness, transness, masturbation, kink, etc. We need to treat sex work like any other job that people can choose to have and have more people talking about the REALITIES of trafficking and not the sensationalized fear mongering about porn/sex work. We frankly need religious people to get the fuck out of these conversations because they are more than welcome to hold their own beliefs but applying it to everyone is what has lead to the “wellness industry” cozying up to them and profiting from people’s shame with “addiction treatments” and “semen retention” and all of that nonsense.
27a. Persephone: What are your favorite monsters (i.e., undead, demons, and or anthromorphs) and why?
Delilah: I have always love tieflings, vampires, druids, anthromorphs. I think a big part of it is like just being a lil freaky goth type kid and reading Animorphs!
27b. Persephone: Media-wise, do you like to read, watch movies, and or play videogames just for fun, but also to gather ideas about gender-non-conformity expression, BDSM and other sex-positive devices?
Delilah: I pretty much take in all forms of media through those lenses at all times, it is just part of me and how I consume things!
28. Persephone: What are your thoughts on sex/porn and art, business and pleasure? I like to mix them to form healthier boundaries established between workers; how do you feel about this?
Delilah: I think that is incredibly subjective based on the type of work being done, and the general demographics within a space. It would be great if things could be discussed more openly but unfortunately most people aren’t ready for that. I don’t think strict lines need to be drawn and ideally people would find pleasure in their work, that just often isn’t an option for people under capitalism/corporatism
30. Persephone: Can you describe your own struggles with achieving liberation/humanization as a GNC sex worker?
Delilah: Honestly I haven’t faced nearly as much as others and part of that is because I am online, and because I am AFAB and don’t feel that uncomfortable leaning into the cis-het male gaze aspect of things. That being said, I do have to always remember to stick to firm boundaries, use the block button, and advocate for myself when needed to remind people that I am absolutely a worker in this industry and it is entertainment but I do not exist solely for their entertainment. So that is something that occasionally I have had to be more aware of, but I am also white and middle class and have looks that fall within the white supremacist beauty standard for the most part. I am not subjected to as much oppression as other SWers, and I have a pretty thick skin at this point. Like, people can call me fat and ugly all day long because I just don’t care and have monetary proof that I don’t have to be their type to literally get paid for being hot. And I find that very liberating, as I literally own the means of production.
31. Persephone: I view sex work as an important means of de facto (extracurricular) education; i.e., entertainment, but also a means of humanizing people within the practice at large. How do you feel about this? Can we learn from art and porn as a means of humanizing marginalized groups?
Delilah: Absolutely I think every industry once you dive into it and focus on the workers themselves as individuals you will learn more about humanizing people and recognize that common ground we all share. Art is inherently political and as always spoken to the oppression and liberation of marginalized folks and porn absolutely has the potential to do that as well. It’s a matter of separating mainstream porn that reflects social norms/narratives and finding the indie porn workers, those who recognize the art of eroticism and pleasure, and the wide spectrums of pleasure and allure. That can definitely bring voice and humanity to people who are stuck in shame cycles, it can reclaim pleasure and narratives, it can go against beauty standards and cis-heteronormativity.
31. Persephone: I value establishing mutual trust, healthy communication and boundary formation/negotiation and respect, seeing them to be the most vital qualities in any relationship. Do you agree, and if so, why?
Delilah: I think that is a totally fair stance because you don’t even realize how often you are entrusting your health and safety with others until you have those conversations and are made to prove through actions how you treat one another and can be trusted to respect and enforce boundaries.
32. Persephone: How do you orient and what are your thoughts on polyamory insofar as it affects your work? For the layperson/uninitiated, how would you describe the difference between a fuck buddy/FWB and other more casual relationships versus serious ones? Can people be friends and still have sex in a casual manner? What is the most valuable aspect of a friendship regardless if sex is a part of the equation or not?
Delilah: It doesn’t affect my work much because when I have a client for a session or something, I am not their therapist. I am not their marriage counselor. If they are being disloyal to a partner, they are making that choice in that moment and it is not, in that space, my job to interrogate them or get some kind of permission slip. I don’t think I can even define relationships for other people but from my view a FWB is pretty straightforward of a friendly relationship with no romantic connection or commitment whereas others may be about nesting or living together, joining finances, raising pets or children together, marriage, etc. It is absolutely possible to be friends and have casual sex, it just isn’t always the right choice for a lot of people. And it includes work on boundaries, and a lot of conversations that may not be comfortable but are in my view necessary to ensure that people aren’t being taken advantage of, aren’t on different wavelengths, etc. For friendship I find the most important thing to be sharing values, at least for the most part. There are some I am a bit softer on, like if someone maybe doesn’t fully understand abolishing the military but can agree that it is broken and corrupt. Compared to like, is actively a cop. I’m not gonna be friends with people who are actively perpetuating harm in that way, as a part of that system.
33. Persephone: If you have a partner, do they know about the work that you do? How comfortable are they with it?
Delilah: I’m married to a very supportive and encouraging partner. Sex work isn’t our only means of income, but he has always been very clear that he is supportive of me doing it, taking breaks, quitting if I wanted to, and forging my own path. I’ve done some content with him but for the most part I think we prefer to keep our sex life as a private one and I can share other exploits as they arise. There was an adjustment for both of us as I learned the industry and how it all worked and what I wanted to provide, but we were both making sure communication was open and we haven’t really ever had a big moment that made it all fall together or anything like that.
34. Persephone: How did you and your partner meet? What do you think makes an ideal partner?
Delilah: Through a mutual friend, fairly innocuous. I don’t think an ideal partner can be defined because people are so different. Even within my life and relationships there are qualities of each friend, acquaintance, client that I admire and make them suited for the role they play in my life. My partner has qualities like his compassion, humor, determination, gentleness that all fit him as a person and that person fits my life as a partner.
35. Persephone: What advice would you give incels, nice guys and other cis-het men (or token groups; e.g., TERFs and cis-queer tokens, etc) displaying bigoted attitudes towards women and other marginalized groups?
Delilah: Read a fuckin’ book. Take up a hobby. Get offline. Stop hating yourself and get a real personality. Genuinely it’s hard because I know they need to learn how to navigate their views of others and how they form relationships and unlearn all of that shame and get the patriarchal white supremacist bull shit out of their head but also my advice to them is to fuck off, weirdos. It’s not necessarily their fault they believe these things or have had bad experiences but it is sure as shit their responsibility to address it, unless they want to be miserable creeps their entire lives.
36. Persephone: Likewise, what advice would you give to more privileged groups that need to understand the value of listening to those more oppressed than them in a larger struggle for liberation?
Delilah: This isn’t about you. If you want to be helpful in this moment, you need to first learn to be humble. We do not deserve access to every single space and we need to be aware of what intersections we exist at and who to defer to in different spaces if we are given the honor and privilege of being allowed in. We need to recognize that sometimes the right role is a supportive one, and that we cannot both support a group while holding the microphone and seeking pats on the back. We absolutely cannot make it personal if an oppressed group takes issue with a privileged group we are in. It isn’t about us as individuals, and we have to gain their trust through our ACTIONS not words and begging for praise after doing the bare minimum. And sometimes some groups won’t ever trust or like or want to work with us. That is not the time for us to complain but rather extend empathy and keep doing the work anyway because it’s not about personal acceptance and gaining approval, but collective efforts to achieve liberation for everyone.
37. Persephone: What are your thoughts on GNC people who are still in the closet but thinking about coming out? Where should they go and who should they talk to?
Delilah: I think now is not a time everyone is going to feel safe doing so. The attacks on our community are getting scarier and it can mean taking on a lot of risk to come out and there is no possible way I can tell someone whether or not to come out that is an entirely personal choice. I will say that life is so much better when it can be lived as the most authentic version of yourself but it may take time to get there. In the meantime, finding a trusted friend, a queer/trans supportive therapist, online groups (anonymity is your friend in many of these), and hotlines can all be beneficial. Even finding local colleges/universities and if they have any resources for students and if you would be able to access them can really help.
38. Persephone: Similarly, for those thinking about doing sex work for the first time, where is a good place to start with that; i.e., what advice would you give to those starting out based on your own experiences?
Delilah: Really the only way to start is to start. I can’t speak to full service advice but for people wanting to do online work my advice is as follows:
- Pick a name, decide whether or not you want to show your face/edit out tattoos; you have to be willing to do this work with the assumption that at some point someone you know may see it and if you are willing to take that on and to what degree you want to be anonymous
- Watermark your content and it may be worthwhile to pay for a service that scans for stolen content and gets it taken down
- Find a group somewhere like Reddit, Bluesky, Twitter, Discord with other SWers to help show you the ropes
- Set boundaries on what you are willing to do like are you just putting up content on a fan page or do you do sessions like cam/sext/phone? Are you going to be selling anything through the mail like underwear, fingernails, bathwater, whatever it may be and where will you send them through?
- Find your niche. Maybe you are into more taboo kinks you can work with; keep in mind some sites won’t let you post about them so you may have to find alternatives
- You often get out what you put in but it can be a really hard market to predict. Some of my best weeks are with content using my phone with a snapchat filter, and others are going to be weeks where people prefer the full ring and box light set up, portrait photos, HD video, and so on
- Don’t be afraid to say no, use the block button, and report to other SWers if a client is giving you bad vibes or being an asshole. SWers are incredibly supportive community and there is plenty to go around.
- If you are not Asian, I beseech you: DO NOT DO AHEGAO*. There are a ton of threads on the matter but it is a really basic thing more people need to be aware of.
*Case in point, I’m gearing up to release a subchapter on incest, moe/ahegao and rape culture in Japan. The full section isn’t online, but I’ll provide a small example at the end of this interview[1]. In it, I cite Mateusz Urbanowicz, who writes of moe that “The moe image does not stay in the picture; it spills into everyday life” (source: “The ‘moe’ style problem,” 2020″). The same liminality applies to ahegao as caught up in various historical-material complexities: as linked to Asian culture currently being abused by Imperialism through capital mining the nostalgia of genocide (see: footnote).
- On the note of what not to do: do not promote yourself on another SWers post unless specifically given permission. Do not only promote the skinny white cis women, support everyone. Be very weary of any SWers (esp. male) who are telling you they can help boost your numbers and want to like “mentor” you or whatever. Get references and ask around about their reputation.
- Don’t use PayPal or Venmo, and be cautious about other payment platforms because sometimes they will close your account and withhold funds so you want multiple options but always be aware that most businesses do not like SWers and love to make life harder for us
- Solidarity. You will learn very quickly people don’t think of SWers as humans. You have to be ready for people to be very rude, cruel, annoying trolls. Find ways to handle that and cope with it. Love yourself fiercely so nobody can take it away from you. And be sure to defend other SWers when they are going through it because we all have our moments where we need support from others whether it’s because of a trauma, finances, family situation, harassment, or uneducated fuckwads who want to act like we are responsible for the existence of sexual assault
- MONEY FIRST. Services/content after.
- Age verify. Ask clients for a pic of ID if they are not using a site that requires it. Tell them to blur out info that doxxes them (pic, city, state, address, etc) but to show their bday and prove it was taken on that day. This keeps us and buyers way safer.
40a1. Persephone: What’s your idea of the perfect date? The ideal fuck? Do you have an ideal experience of either you’d like to share?
Delilah: Hozier. Just Hozier.
40a2. Persephone: What’s your wildest/most enjoyable sexual encounter (e.g., sex in public, in the kitchen while the roomies are home, etc)?
Delilah: I’m really quite good at fucking so there are a ton and typically wildly enjoyable.
40b. Persephone: For you, what’s the cutest thing a partner can do, in bed or out? For example, my partner Bay loves it when new partners come really fast/are having their first time PIV with Bay. Consent, intimacy and affection are all really sexy and fun for Bay. How about you?
Delilah: I just love seeing people embrace themselves. This can be when they infodump to me about something, interact with animals/children with kindness and humor, or just have their own small joys they share with me.
40c. Persephone: What are your thoughts on consensual voyeurism and exhibitionism as educational/entertaining acts? Does being able to be more open and communicative help us learn from each other to see each other as human and also what to watch out for/what to challenge at a systemic level?
Delilah: A great example of this is the company Make Love Not Porn where people can submit their own sex tapes to be watched. It is not staged like porn, it is real people having sex and choosing to share it. I believe they are also paid when it is submitted, but each video is watched by an employee of the company to ensure safety, consent, proper ages, etc. But I think it’s a fantastic resource not only for the Ex/Voy dynamics, but for realistic depictions of sex that aren’t as picture perfect to sell a fantasy, and bring people back to the reality of what sex is. Being more vulnerable about these things can absolutely move us towards empathy and compassion and curiosity and those things make for great catalysts for change.
41a. Persephone: Does fucking to music, roleplay and other theatrical elements make sex better?
Delilah: They can! But I have learned that working with any absolute in terms of sex is not the best move because everyone is so different and needs and likes vary so greatly
42. Persephone: If you have any ace leanings, would you like to talk about that in relation to the work that you do?
Delilah: Not being ace but in being asked for a session or something where I have to fake the desire/pleasure is such an uncomfortable space to occupy. It’s acting and entertainment of course but it is just a really rough mindset to push through and make it convincing and still feel regulated afterwards, so I tend to avoid it if I can.
43. Persephone: Connections between sex workers and clients is often discrete under capital. Can a degree of friendship and intimacy make for a better relationship between the two?
Delilah: I have a ton of buyers I love chatting with, maintaining connection, and learning about. It not only helps me get to know them and learn how to be a better provider for what they want to experience, but it also humanizes me to them. Plus, friendship! I really hope more people start to talk about how people who buy services whether online or in person are not monstrous, odious, scum. They’re people. They have a myriad of reasons for buying whether it’s pleasure/entertainment, or seeking intimacy, validating themselves, exploring a new kink, or even boredom! When we paint buyers as like basement dwelling creeps or whatever, we only further stigmatize the worker and therefore sex workers, and make it less safe for everyone.
44. Persephone: For people struggling with gender expectations like being the right size or pleasing one’s partner and enjoying oneself, is there anything you might recommend?
Delilah: There are no hard and fast rules. Take the pressure off. If you are with someone and they want to be sexual with you, that is your answer. Don’t worry about not being good enough, they already decided you were! Communicate about what you do and do not like, what you might want to try, and find where you match up. Sex is not going to be the same every time and that’s a good thing! It’s about being vulnerable and connecting and having fun. Don’t let yourself get lost in the weeds and embrace the time as something special.
45. Persephone: How does it feel being your true self, despite the risks of gay panic and similar moral panics in America and around the world?
Delilah: I live with a ton of privilege but even then it can be scary. I am not necessarily clockable as queer/enby to people outside of the community, and I benefit from being in a cis-het appearing marriage. It’s an odd combo of it feeling like a bold defiance against the morality policing powers, and just what comes very natural because it’s who I am. The risks, that’s scary. But I won’t sit here and pretend my fear as a white, cis-het appearing, married, middle class, able-bodied person is in any way comparable to the fear of someone who is more noticeably trans, non-white, disabled, poor, maybe unhoused, and live at other intersections of oppression. Their fear is going to be very different, and frankly more important.
46. Persephone: Is there anything else you’d like to say or add before we conclude?
Delilah: Land back. Free Palestine, Sudan, Congo, Syria, Ethiopia, Cuba, Korea, Vietnam, Hawai’i, Puerto Rico, Turtle Island, Lebanon, and all occupied, oppressed, embargoed land. Give to mutual aid. Learn about the indigenous nation whose land you are on. Lead with kindness but don’t shy away from conflict. Always ask yourself who is being left out and why (it is almost always going to be disabled people, indigenous people, trans people, children). Start a garden. Make some art. Stay curious. Don’t obey rules that don’t make sense. Be loud about injustice. Abolish ICE. Abolish the police. Abolish the government. All power to the people. And wear a mask and test for Covid!
47. Persephone: Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions, both of you; and also, for working on Sex Positivity with me. If people want to follow you, where can they go support what you do?
Delilah: Basically all of my info can be found at allmylinks.com/delilahgallo!
About the Author
Persephone van der Waard is the author of the multi-volume, non-profit book series, Sex Positivity—its art director, sole invigilator, illustrator and primary editor (the other co-writer/co-editor being Bay Ryan). Persephone has her independent PhD in Gothic poetics and ludo-Gothic BDSM (focusing on partially on Metroidvania), and is a MtF trans woman, anti-fascist, atheist/Satanist, poly/pan kinkster, erotic artist/pornographer and anarcho-Communist with two partners. Including multiple playmates/friends and collaborators, Persephone and her many muses work/play together on Sex Positivity and on her artwork at large as a sex-positive force. That being said, she still occasionally writes reviews, Gothic analyses, and interviews for fun on her old blog (and makes YouTube videos talking about politics). Any money Persephone earns through commissions or donations goes towards helping sex workers through the Sex Positivity project; i.e., by paying costs and funding shoots, therefore raising awareness. She takes payment on PayPal, Patreon, and CashApp, etc; all links are available on her Linktr.ee. Every bit helps
Footnotes
[1] The “nostalgia of genocide” essentially speaks to “rape nostalgia” has having a geopolitical stamp as well as a historical-material one; i.e., in porn, or in media dealing with taboo qualities having pornographic, fetishized qualities—of violence, sexuality and the occult, per the Gothic mode (which trades historically ghost stories via popular means; e.g., sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, but also monsters and legends of great unspeakable harm breathed paradoxically through such poetics into vision; re: cryptonymy and darkness visible). To it, here is the promised book sample, which comes from an upcoming book subchapter from Volume Three, Chapter Five of my Sex Positivity series: “Moe/Ahegao, Incest, and Eco-Fascism in Japanese Exports.” The entire subchapter will be released in the next few weeks—i.e., for the 2025 promotion roll out, “All the World”—but for now, here is the portion specifically concerned with moe and ahegao (subject to change for final release):
the trauma we’re investigating is more concerned with disempowerment as performatively incestuous tied to ultra-national attitudes of exported war trauma. We’ll need to unpack them one at a time, acknowledging their guilty pleasure and where it comes from, then suggesting ways of subverting this rape pastiche in perceptive forms of rape prevention, not endorsement.
First, moe. Moe intimidates a worrying tendency to fetishize the body of those who tend to look young. It’s one thing if someone looks smaller and has Little tendencies in the age-play sense; that’s not unheard of and can be perfectly fine under negotiated circumstances. However, the commercialized look, as Mateusz Urbanowicz writes, “depicts female characters as just a cute, often sexual ‘treat’ for the viewer” (re: “The ‘moe’ style problem,” 2020)—i.e., a female, child-like or adolescent-looking treat for male viewers. In other words, it’s a sanitized form of pedophilia/ephebophilia. For an example of this, again, just look at Street Fighter 6 and its recent unveiling of Lily Hawk. Despite being small and young, she’s obviously sexualized (in ways not unlike Bulma or Chi-Chi from Dragon Ball, 1986):
(exhibit 104b2: Chi Chi is worringly sexualized far more as a child than an adult; so is Bulma, who “mellows out” far more once she’s an adult/married [canonically she’s 16 in the above scene; as of 2023, re: the age of consent in Japan (an incredibly fascist country known for killing left-leaning politicians and denying genocide) is 13]. Meanwhile, Lily Hawk is handled with the same grace as Ma-Ti from Captain Planet—i.e., reduced to a cartoonish, cliché [and accent] and coming from the same tribe as every other Indigenous Person as T. Hawk and Juli did: the fictional Thunderfoot tribe. Seriously, it’s like bad vaudeville, hauntologically codifying geopolitics by presenting the Global South [where Lily hails from] as canonically poor and run-down. In Lily’s case, she’s obviously been sexed up for the game’s largely male, shonen-fed audience, too; there’s not even a paratextual footnote reassuring us she’s at least 18, the game’s wiki page leaving her age out entirely. Gross.)
The sexualization of the female body is certainly nothing new. While canonical fetishization can be subverted, the starting point remains the status quo:
(exhibit 104c: Top-left, model: Traci Lords in 2016; lower-outer-left and -right sides: Carla Fernandez; middle: Little Lupe; top: Tyler Faith. Each sports a particular way to fetishize the female body as “waifu”—i.e., the MILF (“mom I’d like to fuck”), “mom bod,” lady-in-black, or ever-so-dubious “teen.”)
As a visual style, moe isn’t pedophilia, thus can be sex-positive. However, the basic “look” still allows for sexualized, even eroticized forms that are quite at home in the status quo of American pornographic canon (exhibit 104c, above) and fascist Pax Americana; e.g., Little Lupe as a porn star who looks underage but works in the industry as a legal adult (and actually had to prove this in court to save a fan from being tried for pedophilia—Radar’s “Adult Film Star Verifies Her Age,” 2010); the website featuring her work, LittleLupe.com, markets “teen” models, but reads in the fine print, “All models on this site are 18 years of age or older.” The same unscrupulous industry historically exploits women; e.g., Traci Lords, one of America’s biggest porn stars of the 1980s, made most of her films when she was underage (Helen Vnuk’s “She Was Underage Her Entire Career,” 2020), she was also constantly raped and abused on- and off-set. As recently as 2020, Lords encourages awareness and kindness, writing in a now-deleted tweet,
This one is for the haters out there. Check yourselves. Kindness is king. Just because you’re sitting behind a screen doesn’t mean what you put out there is harmless. Be mindful. There’s enough ugliness in the world (ibid.).
Lord’s words mirror Urbanowicz’ writeup on moe: “The moe image does not stay in the picture; it spills into everyday life.”
To ultimately be sex-positive, then, there really needs to be more than paratextual footnotes amid a constant pandering to cis-het men as the universal clientele seeking ways to legally enjoy underage/rape fantasies. This happens alongside other ways of canonically organizing the female body into sexually objectifying categories—e.g., the “mom bod” of Tyler Faith, exhibit 104c. Something clear and obvious needs to be diegetically included, or it’s harmfully ambiguous. Granted, something like Dennis Cooper’s Frisk shows us that ambiguity can entirely be the point, but it still has to reliably land on the side of the oppressed—i.e., to critique the structure and its intended audience of consensually ambivalent male consumers with weaponized market language in a critical sense. Otherwise, the result is just blind, status quo pastiche—i.e., business-as-usual: “All our models are over 18,” but transformed into a monstrous likeness to sell fetishizingly to male consumers who, over time, forget what real women even are.
Next, ahegao.
(exhibit 104d: Top: Bill Paxton in Near Dark, 1987; middle: Jennifer Jason Leigh in The Hateful Eight, 2015; bottom: Belle Delphine—a South African content creator known for carefully creating a dubious moe persona tied not just to the ahegao schtick, but literally rape exploitation media that she sold to young horny fans while also posting it without trigger warnings on Twitter [Sunny V2’s “Why Belle Delphine’s Career Died, 2022] and many instances of the ahegao face.)
A kind of “death face”—a theatrical “killed” expression, but generally tied to sexual “devastation,” including the “little death” (old slang for orgasm) as a loss-of-control. For AFAB persons, it’s harder to walk after cumming due to the intense, full-body nature of some female orgasms; e.g., having weak legs or sleepiness, post-climax, even when you’re the bottom (exhibit 87c). Intense passion often has religious significance (Averill Earls’ “La Petite Mort: Investigating the History of Orgasm, aka The Little Death,” 2019) as well as being intrinsic to rougher, more honest forms of sex. Ahegao can certainly be parodied in private, but public displays evoke a symbol tied to markers of sexual abuse (which we’re now going to explore).
To be fair, to make light of death is a popular stress valve and has its place in parallel spaces/perceptive pastiche; e.g., Monty Python’s “carving Aaargh!” skit (1975), the many faux suicides of Harold and Maude (1971) or even Jadis and I making light of so-called “murder dick” during period sex, etc. Regardless of where and how they manifest, memento mori serve as a kind of “spoof of death” ritual, making them potentially appreciative peril. The same “ravished” facial expressions can be plied to a variety of scenarios, ranging from Bill Paxton’s “choke face” in Near Dark (exhibit 104d) to your standard-issue ahegao face worn by adventuresome partners (when they were in a good mood, Jadis liked to do it and it admittedly could be fun) or transgressive sex workers with a dark sense of humor. The idea is mindfulness and good de facto education—to help people tell the difference and recognize the rapacious historical materialism tied to the theatrical gesture; otherwise, it’s just content “farming” with zero concern for the consequences (re: Belle Delphine).
Theo J Ellis’ 2021 write-up on ahegao, “The History of Ahegao: Is It Damaging to East Asian Women?” compiles research on the phenomenon in anime specifically. One example (and there are many in his article) writes,
The earliest known record I could find on ahegao was in the 1980s by an artist named Suehiro Maruo. He’s a ero guro artist. He wrote a comic called Shōjo Tsubaki which depicts gruesome acts of physical & sexual violence against a 12 y/o girl.
Ellis himself writes,
That fetishization has obviously extended and is now done by American white men, and white westerners in particular. […] There’s so little information on this that it makes the conversation weaker than it should be. Hardly anyone (in the East Asian community, especially Japan) is speaking out in mass numbers. But that’s normal because racism, fetishization, and stereotypes are kept in the dark.
People who deal with it don’t wanna feel like they’re complaining or they just think nobody gives a shit so why bother talking about it.
In other words, this kind of whitewashed racism, xenophobia and chattel rape is rooted in the etiology of bad play and bourgeois, fascist parentage (which, as we explored in Volume One, applies historically-materially across different chattel groups fetishized and abused in similar ways; re: exhibit 31, “Knife Dicks“).
Beyond Street Fighter 6 or moe/ahegao, such mentalities haunt children’s stories with a nationalized flavor and location. Consider Kubo and the Two Strings: Our hero, Kubo, is threatened by his own mythical grandfather as damaging the nuclear family structure of the boy and his mother and father (the two strings to his third on their combined shamisen). Kubo’s mother explains, “Your grandfather doesn’t hate you; he wants to make you just like him: cold, hard and perfect”—i.e., blind to humanity in a very fascist way. Such blindness precludes healthy forms of love and enforces abnormal, coercive forms like incest. In Japanese culture, these intimate through various hauntological forms that have survived through religion and the Japanese culture of war and rape going hand-in-hand. To that, a good way to trace their lineage is through popular stories, often of ghosts and dead warriors, but also women’s roles within broader (meta)narratives. Women not only must die within such stories, but generally transform themselves—their bodies, identities and gender roles—to supply male children with fascist forms of education; i.e., the raping of sons by their mothers or aunts or other matriarchal figures: “Come, Kubo, come to your aunties!”
It bears repeating that sexual abuse is not openly discussed in the film, but it is threatened by symbolic deliverers thereof towards the usual victim: a young boy as feeling the need to satisfy particular urges begot from material conditions unique to Japan’s history of fascism. These repressed anxieties reflect on emotional struggles for any hero that, in Japan (the site of the narrative), carry extra weight. But as we shall see, they do not stay there. Fascism is predicated on material conditions that encourage, if not out-and-out rape/incest around the clock, then at least the normalizing of rape phobias and anxieties through disempowerment on a globalized familial level (a return to the rapacious household as a family unit through the promise of compelled sex; i.e., the reward of rape for men to claim through war). Such a relationship goes hand-in-hand within child pornography and incest as tied to fascist Japanese laws, the latter upheld to zealous degrees by proponents of a post-fascist government; i.e., a ruling body’s desire to appear less fascist than before but beyond the surface level is arguably as fascist as ever beneath the façade.
For instance, Japan Powered writes on The Six-Foot Bonsai, a 2016 book by Stacy Gleiss about her abusive ex-husband and his attachment to Japanese material culture at large:
Japan has a problem with objectifying young girls. American culture worships the idol of youth, but Japan takes it to the extreme. Long time readers know that I loathe fan-service. I’ve also explained the origins of lolita culture and kawaii culture. In Gleiss’s life, she explains how lolita and kawaii culture shaped her abusive ex-husband’s views of sexuality and women. The access to prepubescent sexualized media–the upskirt shots and other sexual poses manga and anime peddle–encouraged his pedophile tendencies. Buddhism and Christianity warn that the messages we consume shape our thinking. Consuming prepubescent sexualized manga–okay, let’s not dodge the word anymore: child pornography–will shape a person’s view of sexuality (source).
Japan Powered goes further to remark on child pornography as connected to Japanese incest culture as exported through an intolerance towards human rights in favor of exploitative media as sacrosanct along several key points: child pornography and its normalization, but also incest between mothers and their sons.
First, the child pornography boom in ’90s-era Japan was begot from various legal loopholes that banned displays of pubic hair, not child bodies. While a 2015 law was passed to curb the consumption of such material in Japanese manga and anime, the idea of “fan service” was hardly stymied; the tropes had become sacred, entering debates of “free speech” in favor of communicating what amounts to pedophilic dogma regularly practiced in manga/anime consumerism within otaku culture—it’s normal, in other words.
Second, the normalization is a part of kawaii culture. Outright bans are resisted through bad-faith arguments supported by proponents of said culture as a highly capitalist enterprise. Lobbyists like Ken Akamatsu argue in favor of the status quo by downplaying abuse, calling such instances “imaginary, so unlike real child porn, no one was hurt. ‘Actual children suffering and crying is not acceptable. But manga doesn’t involve actual children. So there are no actual victims'” (ibid.). Unlike my example of mommy doms (exhibit 102), Akamatsu’s argument is bad-faith and geared towards capital/rape culture as something to uphold and defend. Japan Powered notes how Gleiss’ ex-husband echoes this reasoning:
[Gleiss] accounts how her ex-husband claimed to separate reality from fantasy. Many people claim fiction doesn’t affect behavior; however, for most of human history fiction–myths and folklore–taught morals, values, and cultural viewpoints. While some claim fiction lacks victims, the victims are the readers. Their consumption distorts their idea of reality. It does it gradually, in ways that evade notice. In turn, this can shape sexuality and make it difficult to bond with people on an intimate level. Yes, some claim to be unaffected and have happy and healthy relationships. As with everything, fictional relationships and interests can benefit people and their relationships. Obsessive behavior falls outside of these possible benefits (ibid.).
In other words, cultural obsession (and blindness regarding sexual health) happen through Japan’s socio-material exports that codify these abusive behaviors in fascist ways felt at home and abroad; i.e., according to an idealized past as something to defend through the consumption of popular narratives, but also media types. Incest, then, is something to further through otaku culture, whose cultural roots date back to religious canon that was, itself, commenting on historical-material factors present within in the real world; e.g., hiemaki for mother-in-law/son-in-law incest, imonoko for father/daughter, and so on (ibid.).
(artist: Suzuki Harunobu)
Third, while mother-son incest is not recognized as a common event, it still represents of a form of male insecurities that are incredibly common in Japan as a place that exports its fascist pathos to like-minded consumers overseas. I would also argue that while these events today are rare in real life outside of fiction, fiction does not exist in a vacuum; thus, they nevertheless exist as commonplace tropes in mange/anime as blind pastiche for audiences to consume and, if not emulate themselves, at least tolerate and cover up in defense of capital. The entire culture of silence orbits around overwhelmingly common tropes of incest between mother and son in Japan. The psychoanalytical models might seem quaint, but nevertheless can be commented on through tangible socio-material factors. As Terry McCarthy writes in “Out of Japan: Mother Love Puts a Nation in the Pouch” (1993) re:
Satoru Saito, head of the sociopathology department at the Psychiatric Research Institute of Tokyo, doubts that mother-son incest is any more common in Japan than elsewhere. But, he says, “emotional incest” between mothers and their sons is almost a defining feature of Japanese society – “the entire culture has this undertone” (source).
Clearly the concept of incest, while taboo, is felt about differently in Japanese culture as a defining part of its cultural psyche as present within the material world. It is whispered about or suggested through shadows of what actually goes on: a traditional past to pass on or revive as “fan service,” which is what fascism ultimately is (and a culture of aesthetics); i.e., the promise of great, even forbidden rewards with paganized flavors.
Bringing things back to Kubo, then, his heritage—his birthright—is made up, thus imaginary in a dreamlike way that evokes threats of rape for him, the boy. They aren’t exclusively fascist, but the roots of sexual abuse, like fascism, lie in one’s childhood as corrupted by state hegemony in crisis: patrilineal descent and its bloodline is maintained through force, which is what incest is. While the Moon King covets his grandson as someone to manipulate through family as a perfected virtue, the king’s daughters play an equally vital role in the corruption of the youth as a kind of stochastic promise pulled from the hero’s surroundings: their stories as retold in ways that are ultimately harmful, but also a dialogic commentary on the historical-material factors along dialectical routes. Under fascism, the family unit and the state go hand-in-hand, putting all decisions under control of the parents as being a combination of the two (or husbands, in the case of underage marriages). It’s a regression that surrenders human rights in light of a perceived crisis that must be challenged to make the state return to a former imaginary greatness. Incest and pedophilia are deemed acceptable compromises when they happen through state sanctioned weddings in defense of the family unit; such are the costs of war because they will pay dividends in the long run. This is a lie.
In other words, fascist mentalities about incest in Japan are linked to traditional notions of the family structure as rigidly hierarchical to the point of genocide, but also Foucault’s Boomerang. Certainly the practice is condemned now in open discourse (echoes of Foucault), but it wasn’t always disallowed in the past, which is what fascism labors to return to: a “better” time, where children are controlled by their parental figures to unwholesome, abject degrees; incest is denied precisely because there is a historical framework for its existence that continues to exist in modern-day Japan and its media at large. Concerning these canaries in the mine, Alexie Juagdan writes:
While the prevalence of incestuous themes in Japanese media may raise eyebrows, it is important to note that these portrayals do not necessarily endorse or normalize incest. Instead, they often serve as vehicles for exploring complex human emotions, societal taboos, and moral dilemmas. The treatment of such themes can vary greatly, depending on the intentions of the creators and the overall narrative context. [Nevertheless … t]he portrayal of incestuous themes in Japanese literature, movies, and anime can have a significant impact on shaping societal perceptions. Media plays a powerful role in influencing cultural attitudes and values, as it has the ability to reflect, challenge, or reinforce societal norms.
When exploring sensitive topics like incest, media can provide a platform for examining the complexities of human relationships and societal boundaries. It prompts discussions on ethical dilemmas, psychological motivations, and the consequences of taboo desires. However, it is crucial to approach these portrayals critically and engage in meaningful discourse rather than accepting them at face value.
It is important to note that the portrayal of incestuous relationships in media should not be taken as an endorsement or validation of such behavior. Instead, it should be viewed as an exploration of complex human experiences within the framework of storytelling and artistic expression (source: “Exploring Incest in Japanese Society”).
To this, the markers of forced incest, war and rape can be spotted in Japanese children’s stories like Kubo and the Two Strings that echo uncomfortable dialogs within oppositional praxis in adjacent stories and their monstrous egregores and events. In Western culture, witches are often depicted as outsiders that steal and eat babies; but in Japanese culture, they denote a forbidden attraction that is both resisted and indulged through monstrous language like Kubo’s two frightening aunts; i.e., as rapacious ghosts of the counterfeit told through stop-motion. They aren’t threatening to rape him in the literal sense—just kidnap him, replace his parents and brainwash him: a rape of the mind, of the will, of the self. In the Gothic sense, especially from the female submissive perspective, this parallels Western ideas of the woman as “kept,” a beautiful princess surrounded by danger and whose own precious fragility ostensibly rings the dinner bell mid-investigation [end sample].
The Gothic historically plays with taboos, including rape, but doing so should be handled with care; i.e., like all kink and BDSM as performative testimony. It bears repeating that incest presented in media (ahegao or otherwise) denotes a historical-material presence of trauma inside-outside itself; i.e., as fascist; re: regarding war atrocities committed by the Japanese government against other nations (such as the Rape of Nanking [graphic] and the entire Manchuria campaign), but also horrors committed against its own citizenry by the same government and the Americans (e.g., the firebombing of Tokyo and the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, echoed in American nuclear phobias, above). To it, genocide has a geo-political stamp whose ghosts of war and rape need to be handled with some degree of care amid the theatrical boldness; i.e., like any marginalized position and relative language of oppression reclaimed by the survivors; re: as moe and ahegao ultimately are.
So yes, liberation and exploitation share the same stages, but if you’re not oppressed, you’re not oppressed and shouldn’t use the language of that group to self-describe or make money with (through porn or otherwise). Gothic is a space to be bold, then, but pointedly for those camping their own holocausts’ profound survival (and subsequent revenge fantasies, which ghosts commonly are but especially in Asian horror media; e.g., Sadako Yamamura from Ringu); it’s not a place to fetishize the oppressed from an in-group, unoppressed position (re: Americans fetishizing rape through ahegao versus Asian people using it to speak to rape culture in Japan and neighboring countries—each with its own idiosyncratic socio-material makeup concerning rape; i.e., as something they survived and continue to promote the survival thereof under present state-nation/police abuses; e.g., Cambodia and the Khmer Rogue; see; “Police States, Foreign Atrocities and the Imperial Boomerang“). Medusa’s weapon (and revenge) as dead whore is speaking out about her rape (re: “Policing the Whore“).
