This interview is for “Hailing Hellions,” a Q&A series where I interview sex workers (or ex-sex workers) who have modeled for me and my Sex Positivity* book project. Today’s guest is Ashley Yelhsa!
*The longer title being Sex Positivity versus Sex Coercion, or Gothic Communism: Liberating Sex Work under Capitalism through Iconoclastic Art (2023). Part of an overarching movement that connects sex positivity to what I call “Gothic (gay-anarcho) Communism,” Sex Positivity essentially provides a hybrid; i.e., one established between academic (Gothic, queer, game and Marxist) theories, and wherein applied theory towards universal liberation is achieved by challenging Capitalist Realism (the inability to imagine a world beyond Capitalism) at a grassroots level. To it, Gothic Communism specifically occurs through direct mutual worker action and informed intersectional solidarity relayed through Gothic poetics: BDSM, monsters, and kink, but specifically what I call “ludo-Gothic BDSM.” If you’re curious about the book and want to know more, the first four volumes (and additional information) are available for free (the series is non-profit) on my website’s 1-page promo.
General CW: BDSM, Gothic content and theatrics (e.g., rape play and death theatre), as well as sex worker abuse and bigotry of various kinds (variable per interview).
Specific CW: Ableism.
Note: All images are of the model or myself unless otherwise stated.
Permissions: Any publicly available images are exhibited for purposes of education, transformation and critique, thus fall under Fair Use; private nude material and collabs with models are specifically shared with permission from the original model(s). For more details about artist permissions, refer to the book disclaimer.
Concerning Buggy Images: Sometimes the images on my site don’t always load and you get a little white-and-green placeholder symbol, instead. Sometimes I use a plugin for loading multiple images in one spot, called Envira Gallery, and not all of the images will load (resulting in blank white squares you can still right-click on). I‘ve optimized most of the images on my site, so I think it’s a server issue? Not sure. You should still be able to access the unloaded image by clicking on the placeholder/right-clicking on the white square (sometimes you have to delete the “?ssl=1” bit at the end of the url). Barring that, completed volumes will always contain all of the images, whose PDFs you can always download on my 1-page promo.
About the series: Like the book series it attaches to, “Hailing Hellions” aims to educate and critique; i.e., by raising awareness towards sex worker rights, but also gender-non-conformity through Gothic counterculture. This extends to gender identity (e.g., trans, enby or intersex) but also orientation and performance; i.e., BDSM and sex positivity through various Gothic theatrical roles that invite things beyond vanilla, heteronormative (thus conservative, reactionary and harmful) sexuality. I would consider this to be things like mommy dommes and consent-non-consent, breeding fantasies and heavy metal (e.g., Satanic material and the Gothic at large). Also, these questions are broader insofar as they cover wide praxial/poetic ideas and concepts. Regarding these, the opinions of the subject and myself are not identical, but often overlap through us collaborating together to raise awareness.
About the interviewee: Ashley is someone I’ve worked with before; re: by drawing them as a dark fairy for “Modularity and Class” in my Poetry Module (below)! We’ve stayed in touch over the years, and being disabled, themselves, they’re incredibly passionate about disabled peoples’ rights (especially those of disabled sex workers)!
(exhibit 34b2a [from the Poetry Module]: Model and artist: Ashley Yelhsa as a death fairy surrounded by mushrooms, by Persephone van der Waard; design inspired by Xinaelle [mid-upper-left]. Death is often expressed with a “black” aesthetic, but also various decomposers from different kingdoms. Common ones include insects from the animal kingdom like the wasp, butterfly or scarab, but arguably one of the most famous [and innocent-looking] are mushrooms from the fungi kingdom [which gives the Mushroom Kingdom from Mario something of a pun-like quality—drugs, sex and the Numinous]. It’s also an apt metaphor for yet-another-ingredient to go into the pot that is our book… [source].)
0. Persephone: Hi, everyone! My name is Persephone van der Waard. I’m a trans-woman erotic artist, sex worker, writer/author and researcher who specializes in cross-media studies; i.e., I have my independent PhD in Gothic poetics and ludo-Gothic BDSM (focusing on partially on Metroidvania).
Ashley, could you introduce yourself and share a little about yourself with our audience?
Ashley: Hi, I’m Ashley! I’m a 35 year old chronically ill and disabled sex worker in the US. I started doing sex work full time in 2022 when I could no longer hold onto a vanilla job due to my disabilities. I love being a slut and I love being in charge of my own work!
1. Persephone: This book project views sex positivity as a liberating act. What does sex positivity mean to you? Illustrating mutual consent; i.e., can porn illustrate mutual consent when sex workers are constantly dehumanized by the profit motive and the status quo?
Ashley: Sex positivity to me means feeling comfortable with yourself and others, expressing and exploring sexuality without shame or guilt. Establishing and respecting boundaries is a big part of that.
2. Persephone: In your mind, what is the biggest struggle facing sex workers today?
Ashley: Lots of people still don’t view sex workers as “real” workers based on the fact that we use our bodies, even though literally all other jobs require you to use your body.
3. Persephone: How do you feel about sex work being work, thus paying sex workers for their labor? This can be unions, but also their representations in media at large.
Ashley: It’s work just like all other jobs. Sex workers are workers. We put in the time and energy just like other workers.
4. Persephone: What are your thoughts on Communism vs Capitalism using Gothic poetics? Can monsters be gay Commies?
Ashley: Totally! I could see a queer Commie werewolf storyline in a book or movie!
5a. Persephone: What drew you to the project/interested you in working on it together with me?
Ashley: It feels very artistic and informative and I love that. And we’ve worked together once before! I love working with creative people.
5b. Persephone: How has that experience been for you? Can you describe it a little?
Ashley: It’s been a great! You’ve been so kind and informative like last time. These questions are so fun and interesting!
6. Persephone: If you feel comfortable talking about it, can you talk about being GNC? What does that mean to you?
Ashley: To me, GNC means being very comfortable with yourself and not worrying about fitting into a mold that other people have created. It took me a while to get to this point, but I’m glad I finally got there.
7. Persephone: What do you enjoy most about sex work? What got you started in it?
Ashley: I enjoy being able to rest whenever I need it. I’m chronically ill and need lots of breaks. I couldn’t work vanilla jobs anymore because of all the breaks I needed.
8. Persephone: Do you have a favorite piece of sex work that you’ve done, in terms of custom material?
Ashley: I love anything where I do some roleplay or being bound in some way.
9. Persephone: Do you friends and family know about the work that you do? How do you talk about it with other people who aren’t sex workers; i.e., how do you communicate sex worker rights to non sex workers?
Ashley: My family doesn’t, at least not that I know of. I’m not very close to them. The few friends I have are aware that I do sex work and are supportive of it.
10. Persephone: What are your thoughts on TERFs in sex work; i.e., those who devalue GNC minorities (and other marginalized groups) in the same profession?
Ashley: They don’t belong in sex work, or anywhere, really. They’re not safe to be around.
11. Persephone: How do you feel about billionaires? Israel and Palestine?
Ashley: Billionaires shouldn’t exist, imo. Free Palestine!
12a. Persephone: What are some of your favorite GNC pieces of media (e.g., I love Sense8 and Heartbreak High)? Do you have any GNC role models?
Ashley: The first one that comes to mind is the movie But I’m A Cheerleader! I also love Rocky Horror Picture Show!
12b. Persephone: To that, GNC people often find their families outside of their birth families; did you have to go elsewhere for that, or is your family relatively understanding of your queerness?
Ashley: A lot of my family are very conservative, so I don’t talk or interact at all with them anymore. I have a partner and friends who understand me, and that’s enough for me.
13. Persephone: What about sex workers? Do you have anyone you look up to in particular?
Ashley: Pretty much all of my sex worker mutuals on social media! I follow so many awesome people.
14. Persephone: There’s often a strong theatrical component to sex work and BDSM; i.e., costumes, gender roles, aesthetics of power and death, music, makeup. How do these things intersect for you, and do they cross over into real life for you? For example, do you find yourself wearing similar clothing and expressing yourself sex-positively when you’re not on the clock?
Ashley: I love theatrics, so I think that part comes naturally to me. I just love putting together interesting looks and concepts. I think I do express myself a bit when I’m not working, like when I wear my chest harness over my regular clothes.
15. Persephone: There’s often an animal component to sexuality and gender expression, helping workers establish close bonds with each other and nature; i.e., furries, but also therians and various kinks; e.g., puppy play. How do you feel about these things, be they for work, pleasure, or both?
Ashley: I think they really help lots of people express themselves in way that’s comfortable for them, and I love that.
16. Persephone: Sex workers are generally treated as monsters to harm and exploit under capital. Do you have a preferred way of expressing the humanity of sex workers, be that simply stating it or through the work that you do, art, or some combination, etc?
Ashley: I definitely try to express it online a lot. I try to be open about my struggles and feelings. I used to try and hide them from my audience, but that felt not good to me.
17. Persephone: Do you have a particular aspect of liberation you like to focus on; e.g., fat liberation or decriminalizing sex work? To that, what’s the difference between positive thinking and liberation in your eyes?
Ashley: I just try to get more people to understand how hard this job is, since there’s of course still so much stigma around it. True liberation to me looks like decriminalizing sex work and having a much better approach to sex education.
18a. Persephone: How do you feel about BDSM and using calculated risk to confront and heal from trauma? I.e., using collars or whips to experience pain or control as pleasurable, not harmful (I love collars, for instance).
Ashley: I think BDSM is a great way to heal from trauma, so long as everyone involved are well informed! And trust is very important!
18b. Persephone: Was there ever a moment where you were on the fence about BDSM or sex work/in the closet, but something happened that changed everything? I.e., was it gradual or more a singular event that motivated you to change; or, were you always kind of out (for me, I decided to change after several bad exes, but also watching Stranger Things, and relating to Max’s brush with Venca in a GNC way)?
Ashley: I used to be against sex work when I was a teenager, but that’s because my family really leaned into the purity culture bullshit. I think it was a gradual change for me; i.e., that started when I realized that I actually didn’t have to believe the same things my parents/family did.
19. Persephone: Does expressing yourself in a dehumanized BDSM position (e.g., CNC or living latex, etc) or state of existence speak to your humanity as something to value?
Ashley: To me, it does! It feels liberating to know what you want and trusting someone(s) enough that they also know what you want and respect you.
20. Persephone: What got you interested in BDSM? Do you have a preference in terms of what you give or receive?
Ashley: I’m not exactly sure what got me into it. I just realized it was something that really sparked my interest and felt like something I could use to express myself.
21. Persephone: In your mind, is BDSM inherently sexual? If so or if not, can you explain why?
Ashley: I don’t think it’s inherently sexual. In my mind, nothing sexual needs to be happening while I’m being bound up and I’ll still be happy.
22. Persephone: Does BDSM inform the sex work that you do in an educational or therapeutic way?
Ashley: I believe it does. I’ve been leaning into it a bit more the past year. I love learning more and more about it.
23. Persephone: In terms of calculated risk, how does it feel to surrender some degree of power in a scenario where you can’t actually be harmed? Or vice versa, if you have more power? Do you have a preference and if so, why?
Ashley: For me it feels amazing to surrender myself to the other person. I don’t have to overthink anything and I love that I get that time to let go. Trusting someone that much feels great.
24. Persephone: If you feel comfortable answering, can theatrical disempowerment feel healing or therapeutic to you in regards to real trauma?
Ashley: It’s definitely therapeutic to me. Because I know at the end of the day that I’m the one that chose to be in that position.
25. Persephone: What’s the most stressful thing about sex work? The most liberating?
Ashley: I think the inconsistent income is the most stressful part for me. Being in charge of my own labor is the most liberating.
26. Persephone: What are the benefits to doing sex work in today’s day an age versus in the past? What do you think needs to improve; e.g., open reactionary bigots versus moderate SWERFs posturing as feminists speaking for all groups?
Ashley: I think one of the benefits nowadays is that we can spread information a lot faster to warn of people who harm sex workers. I wish people would not listen to SWERFs about anything, ever.
27a. Persephone: What are your favorite monsters (i.e., undead, demons, and or anthromorphs) and why?
Ashley: I’ve always been kinda obsessed with fairies my whole life. I think it’s all the whimsical-ness that I love! I also find demons to be interesting.
27b. Persephone: Media-wise, do you like to read, watch movies, and or play videogames just for fun, but also to gather ideas about gender-non-conformity expression, BDSM and other sex-positive devices?
Ashley: I love to watch TV and I love listening to audiobooks and podcasts for fun and for learning stuff!
28. Persephone: What are your thoughts on sex/porn and art, business and pleasure? I like to mix them to form healthier boundaries established between workers; how do you feel about this?
Ashley: They can definitely work together! I like to mix them together as well sometimes, depending on the other people involved.
29. Persephone: Per my arguments, Capitalism sexualizes and fetishizes all workers to serve profit, leading to genocide. Keeping that in mind, what is the best way to achieve intersectional solidarity using Gothic poetics?
Ashley: Including real-world examples in all forms of media is very important. People really can learn important lessons from media!
30. Persephone: Can you describe your own struggles with achieving liberation/humanization as a GNC sex worker?
Ashley: Just people expecting me to be a certain way just because I dress super feminine. I just wish people would stop making assumptions based off of how people dress.
31. Persephone: I view sex work as an important means of de facto (extracurricular) education; i.e., entertainment, but also a means of humanizing people within the practice at large. How do you feel about this? Can we learn from art and porn as a means of humanizing marginalized groups?
Ashley: We can! So many amazing, genuine people are sex workers. More people just need to be open to listening and learning from people who are different from them.
32. Persephone: I value establishing mutual trust, healthy communication and boundary formation/negotiation and respect, seeing them to be the most vital qualities in any relationship. Do you agree, and if so, why?
Ashley: Agreed! Mutual respect and trust is needed for any relationship; it’s more genuine.
33. Persephone: How do you orient and what are your thoughts on polyamory insofar as it affects your work? For the layperson/uninitiated, how would you describe the difference between a fuck buddy/FWB and other more casual relationships versus serious ones? Can people be friends and still have sex in a casual manner? What is the most valuable aspect of a friendship regardless if sex is a part of the equation or not?
Ashley: I myself am in a monogamous relationship. I think polyamory can be amazing for lots of people. I don’t think it affects my work very much. People can have sex and just be friends, for sure! I think trust and respect are the most valuable aspects of friendship.
34. Persephone: If you have a partner, do they know about the work that you do? How comfortable are they with it?
Ashley: Yes! They’re 100% supportive of me.
35. Persephone: How did you and your partner meet? What do you think makes an ideal partner?
Ashley: My partner and I met on a dating site back in 2015 and then met in person later that year and have been together ever since. I think an ideal partner is someone who respects you as your own person. And someone who you can trust and trusts you.
36. Persephone: What advice would you give incels, nice guys and other cis-het men (or token groups; e.g., TERFs and cis-queer tokens, etc) displaying bigoted attitudes towards women and other marginalized groups?
Ashley: My advice to them is to get over themselves.
37. Persephone: Likewise, what advice would you give to more privileged groups that need to understand the value of listening to those more oppressed than them in a larger struggle for liberation?
Ashley: Listening to people who are more marginalized than you is important; it’s the only way we’ll reach liberation for all.
38. Persephone: What are your thoughts on GNC people who are still in the closet but thinking about coming out? Where should they go and who should they talk to?
Ashley: I personally found a lot of community through social media! I have bad social anxiety and I’m disabled, so I don’t get out much, but on social media it feels like I can be myself.
39. Persephone: Similarly, for those thinking about doing sex work for the first time, where is a good place to start with that; i.e., what advice would you give to those starting out based on your own experiences?
Ashley: I read a bunch of Reddit posts before I started and what I learned was that it’s important to start with building an audience on social media. If you go straight to posting on subscription sites you won’t get much traction. Start with social media and try to find your niche(s).
40a1. Persephone: What’s your idea of the perfect date? The ideal fuck? Do you have an ideal experience of either you’d like to share?
Ashley: My perfect date is eating food first, then walking around a thrift store to shop/look at cool stuff, and then going home to watch a fun movie. And then maybe fucking.
40a2. Persephone: What’s your wildest/most enjoyable sexual encounter (e.g., sex in public, in the kitchen while the roomies are home, etc)?
Ashley: I had sex in my parked car once, late at night and on a more secluded area. I think that’s my wildest experience.
40b. Persephone: For you, what’s the cutest thing a partner can do, in bed or out? For example, my partner Bay loves it when new partners come really fast/are having their first time PIV with Bay. Consent, intimacy and affection are all really sexy and fun for Bay. How about you?
Ashley: I think it’s cute when my partner tells me good morning in his Just Woke Up voice. Or when he hugs me randomly.
40c. Persephone: What are your thoughts on consensual voyeurism and exhibitionism as educational/entertaining acts? Does being able to be more open and communicative help us learn from each other to see each other as human and also what to watch out for/what to challenge at a systemic level?
Ashley: I absolutely think it does help us learn and understand. As long as it’s consensual, it’s a great way to get informed.
41a. Persephone: Does fucking to music, roleplay and other theatrical elements make sex better?
Ashley: For me, I think it does. I’m neurodivergent as hell and I think that might have a part in it. But yeah I think adding some music or a little storyline helps get me going.
43. Persephone: Connections between sex workers and clients is often discrete under capital. Can a degree of friendship and intimacy make for a better relationship between the two?
Ashley: Maybe! I think it just depends on everyone involved. Just have to be careful of people who might try to take advantage of that.
44. Persephone: For people struggling with gender expectations like being the right size or pleasing one’s partner and enjoying oneself, is there anything you might recommend?
Ashley: I think one of the things that finally helped me was realizing that there are gonna be people out there who dislike me no matter what, so I might as well just be who I am.
45. Persephone: How does it feel being your true self, despite the risks of gay panic and similar moral panics in America and around the world?
Ashley: It feels freeing to know who I am and that I’m not an abomination for being queer—no matter how much people have tried to convince me otherwise!
46. Persephone: Is there anything else you’d like to say or add before we conclude?
Ashley: Thank you for reaching out to me to do this!
47. Persephone: And thanks for taking the time to answer these questions; also, for working on Sex Positivity with me! If people want to follow you, where can they follow you and support what you do?
Ashley: You can find me at AshleyYelhsaaa on Bluesky and AshleyYelhsa1 on Mastodon!
About the Author
Persephone van der Waard is the author of the multi-volume, non-profit book series, Sex Positivity—its art director, sole invigilator, illustrator and primary editor (the other co-writer/co-editor being Bay Ryan). Persephone has her independent PhD in Gothic poetics and ludo-Gothic BDSM (focusing on partially on Metroidvania), and is a MtF trans woman, anti-fascist, atheist/Satanist, poly/pan kinkster, erotic artist/pornographer and anarcho-Communist with two partners. Including multiple playmates/friends and collaborators, Persephone and her many muses work/play together on Sex Positivity and on her artwork at large as a sex-positive force. That being said, she still occasionally writes reviews, Gothic analyses, and interviews for fun on her old blog (and makes YouTube videos talking about politics). Any money Persephone earns through commissions or donations goes towards helping sex workers through the Sex Positivity project; i.e., by paying costs and funding shoots, therefore raising awareness. She takes payment on PayPal, Patreon, and CashApp, etc; all links are available on her Linktr.ee. Every bit helps!