This interview is for “Hailing Hellions,” a Q&A series where I interview sex workers (or ex-sex workers) who have modeled for me and my Sex Positivity* book project. Today’s guest is Tyler and Husband!
*The longer title being Sex Positivity versus Sex Coercion, or Gothic Communism: Liberating Sex Work under Capitalism through Iconoclastic Art (2023). Part of an overarching movement that connects sex positivity to what I call “Gothic (gay-anarcho) Communism,” Sex Positivity essentially provides a hybrid; i.e., one established between academic (Gothic, queer, game and Marxist) theories, and wherein applied theory towards universal liberation is achieved by challenging Capitalist Realism (the inability to imagine a world beyond Capitalism) at a grassroots level. To it, Gothic Communism specifically occurs through direct mutual worker action and informed intersectional solidarity relayed through Gothic poetics: BDSM, monsters, and kink, but specifically what I call “ludo-Gothic BDSM.” If you’re curious about the book and want to know more, the first four volumes (and additional information) are available for free (the series is non-profit) on my website’s 1-page promo.
General CW: BDSM, Gothic content and theatrics (e.g., rape play and death theatre), as well as sex worker abuse and bigotry of various kinds (variable per interview).
Specific CW: Gay panic.
Note: All images are of the model or myself unless otherwise stated.
Permissions: Any publicly available images are exhibited for purposes of education, transformation and critique, thus fall under Fair Use; private nude material and collabs with models are specifically shared with permission from the original model(s). For more details about artist permissions, refer to the book disclaimer.
Concerning Buggy Images: Sometimes the images on my site don’t always load and you get a little white-and-green placeholder symbol, instead. Sometimes I use a plugin for loading multiple images in one spot, called Envira Gallery, and not all of the images will load (resulting in blank white squares you can still right-click on). I‘ve optimized most of the images on my site, so I think it’s a server issue? Not sure. You should still be able to access the unloaded image by clicking on the placeholder/right-clicking on the white square (sometimes you have to delete the “?ssl=1” bit at the end of the url). Barring that, completed volumes will always contain all of the images, whose PDFs you can always download on my 1-page promo.
About the series: Like the book series it attaches to, “Hailing Hellions” aims to educate and critique; i.e., by raising awareness towards sex worker rights, but also gender-non-conformity through Gothic counterculture. This extends to gender identity (e.g., trans, enby or intersex) but also orientation and performance; i.e., BDSM and sex positivity through various Gothic theatrical roles that invite things beyond vanilla, heteronormative (thus conservative, reactionary and harmful) sexuality. I would consider this to be things like mommy dommes and consent-non-consent, breeding fantasies and heavy metal (e.g., Satanic material and the Gothic at large). Also, these questions are broader insofar as they cover wide praxial/poetic ideas and concepts. Regarding these, the opinions of the subject and myself are not identical, but often overlap through us collaborating together to raise awareness.
About the interviewee: Tyler is a poly transmasc boy (he/they/it), and he and husband are people I’ve worked with before; re: by drawing them multiple times! Also, they’re two of my muses and have their own page on my website!
(models and artist: Tyler and Husband and Persephone van der Waard)
0. Persephone: Hi, everyone! My name is Persephone van der Waard. I’m a trans-woman erotic artist, sex worker, writer/author and researcher who specializes in cross-media studies; i.e., I have my independent PhD in Gothic poetics and ludo-Gothic BDSM (focusing on partially on Metroidvania).
Tyler, could you introduce yourself and share a little about yourself with our audience?
Note: Tyler is giving the answers but his husband is the scribe.
Tyler: Hi, my name is Tyler, I have been doing sex work for about 3 years now. I focus on my journey of being transgender while doing sex work. I pride myself on making content for people’s enjoyment regardless of how people view me. I try my best to be inclusive of everyone so to make people feel more comfortable in this environment
1. Persephone: This book project views sex positivity as a liberating act. What does sex positivity mean to you? Illustrating mutual consent; i.e., can porn illustrate mutual consent when sex workers are constantly dehumanized by the profit motive and the status quo?
Tyler: Sex positivity means to me being able to feel at home in your own body—to be proud of who you are even if it doesn’t align with your genetics.
2. Persephone: In your mind, what is the biggest struggle facing sex workers today?
Tyler: The biggest struggle in my mind is people misunderstanding what sex workers represent in today’s society. People assume it’s all non-consensual and degrading, when people in this line of work can very easily see it as empowering and positive as a whole for their life!
3. Persephone: How do you feel about sex work being work, thus paying sex workers for their labor? This can be unions, but also their representations in media at large.
Tyler: I believe all sex workers should be paid for their work, even going so far as including tipping as it is providing a service; i.e., just as you would with tipping your waiters. Everyone should be supported enough to survive off their income!
5a. Persephone: What drew you to the project/interested you in working on it together with me?
Tyler: Persephone was very welcoming and kind; I felt as if we were able to bounce ideas off each other, and it’s been a pleasant experience seeing their work come out as it has!
6. Persephone: If you feel comfortable talking about it, can you talk about being GNC? What does that mean to you?
Tyler: Being GNC means being comfortable as myself even if everyone else in the world doesn’t understand who I am; i.e., being my authentic self without worrying about what others may think about it. It just feels like being more free!
7. Persephone: What do you enjoy most about sex work? What got you started in it?
Tyler: I enjoy meeting the new people and different fans who enjoy my content, hearing their perspectives—plus it’s also how I met my husband, him being my first customer and what got me into doing this line of work!
9. Persephone: Do you friends and family know about the work that you do? How do you talk about it with other people who aren’t sex workers; i.e., how do you communicate sex worker rights to non sex workers?
Tyler: Friends do, but my family doesn’t; i.e., my friends are supportive knowing that I am passionate about it and that is a way to help me thrive and survive.
10. Persephone: What are you thoughts on TERFs in sex work; i.e., those who devalue GNC minorities (and other marginalized groups) in the same profession?
Tyler: It breaks my heart to see that people can be so hateful to people who are essentially siblings this community—seeing them tear other workers down just for being queer when sex workers as a community are already degraded by some!
11. Persephone: How do you feel about billionaires? Israel and Palestine?
Tyler: Eat the rich, Genocide should never be the answer—especially against people who are just existing and have done nothing wrong to warrant such an extreme response.
12b. Persephone: To that, GNC people often find their families outside of their birth families; did you have to go elsewhere for that, or is your family relatively understanding of your queerness?
Tyler: I go to friends more for that; i.e., my family isn’t unaccepting, just more that they don’t understand me as a person.
14. Persephone: There’s often a strong theatrical component to sex work and BDSM; i.e., costumes, gender roles, aesthetics of power and death, music, makeup. How do these things intersect for you, and do they cross over into real life for you? For example, do you find yourself wearing similar clothing and expressing yourself sex-positively when you’re not on the clock?
Tyler: I dress how I want whenever, no matter if it’s for work or not—sometimes even finding myself planning outfits for the day in part to be able to show off to fans on my platforms.
15. Persephone: There’s often an animal component to sexuality and gender expression, helping workers establish close bonds with each other and nature; i.e., furries, but also therians and various kinks; e.g., puppy play. How do you feel about these things, be they for work, pleasure, or both?
Tyler: If people enjoy and are happy doing it, so long as it’s consensual and you’re not hurting other people, you should be allowed to express yourself free from the judgement of others.
16. Persephone: Sex workers are generally treated as monsters to harm and exploit under capital. Do you have a preferred way of expressing the humanity of sex workers, be that simply stating it or through the work that you do, art, or some combination, etc?
Tyler: At the end of the day we’re all human. People may end up doing this line of work as they find enjoyment out of it and it serves as a means of survival, so it being treated as “exploitation” is dumb and wrong.
17. Persephone: Do you have a particular aspect of liberation you like to focus on; e.g., fat liberation or decriminalizing sex work? To that, what’s the difference between positive thinking and liberation in your eyes?
Tyler: Gender liberation and being comfortable in your own skin; i.e., if you don’t have a specific label for yourself, you should still feel safe. You don’t need a label to exist.
18a. Persephone: How do you feel about BDSM and using calculated risk to confront and heal from trauma? I.e., using collars or whips to experience pain or control as pleasurable, not harmful (I love collars, for instance).
Tyler: Exploring potentially traumatic things in a kink setting can be extremely beneficial, if you so allow it to. So long as you’re doing it in safe setting and with a safe person, the experience can be almost therapeutic.
18b. Persephone: Was there ever a moment where you were on the fence about BDSM or sex work/in the closet, but something happened that changed everything? I.e., was it gradual or more a singular event that motivated you to change; or, were you always kind of out (for me, I decided to change after several bad exes, but also watching Stranger Things, and relating to Max’s brush with Vecna in a GNC way)?
Tyler: I just got tired of not being happy. Being more gradual, but hard to say!
19. Persephone: Does expressing yourself in a dehumanized BDSM position (e.g., CNC or living latex, etc) or state of existence speak to your humanity as something to value?
Tyler: I can see how it does to other people! I definitely see value in being valued emotionally. Being sought after or owned by someone can help one feel better if that’s something someone is after.
20. Persephone: What got you interested in BDSM? Do you have a preference in terms of what you give or receive?
Tyler: I’ve always had an open mind to kink, but definitely stuff like wax play, impact play, restraints are stuff I’m interested in. And being a switch, I can make it work either way!
21. Persephone: In your mind, is BDSM inherently sexual? If so or if not, can you explain why?
Tyler: It can be, but it’s definitely circumstantial. I’d say most of the time it is, but can most definitely be platonic as well.
22. Persephone: Does BDSM inform the sex work that you do in an educational or therapeutic way?
Tyler: I try to be educational when I can, and I definitely do find therapeutic benefits: making content of myself, making myself feel better about myself in general.
24. Persephone: If you feel comfortable answering, can theatrical disempowerment feel healing or therapeutic to you in regards to real trauma?
Tyler: I believe anything is possible; i.e., if you go into it with a healing mindset, you could very well find it being healing and therapeutic going through it in a structured setting!
25. Persephone: What’s the most stressful thing about sex work? The most liberating?
Tyler: Worrying about traction and creating content that people will enjoy. The most liberating is hearing positive feedback; e.g., like hearing that someone really liked a video I did, reaching out to me to tell me they love my content!
26. Persephone: What are the benefits to doing sex work in today’s day an age versus in the past? What do you think needs to improve; e.g., open reactionary bigots versus moderate SWERFs posturing as feminists speaking for all groups?
Tyler: In today’s age it’s more common, but it’s still highly stigmatized; i.e., many people still see sex workers as less than human. We’re not getting murdered and targeted near as much as used to but it is still a thing that happens [re: gay panic].
27a. Persephone: What are your favorite monsters (i.e., undead, demons, and or anthromorphs) and why?
Tyler: Demons, skeletons, anything really spoopy—I find the theme of them appealing and I relate to the darkness aspects of them, Halloween being my favorite holiday!
30. Persephone: Can you describe your own struggles with achieving liberation/humanization as a GNC sex worker?
Tyler: A lot of people are very transphobic, or just dismissive in general. So finding a group of people that aren’t immediately judgmental of my work and lifestyle has been beneficial to my growth.
31. Persephone: I view sex work as an important means of de facto (extracurricular) education; i.e., entertainment, but also a means of humanizing people within the practice at large. How do you feel about this? Can we learn from art and porn as a means of humanizing marginalized groups?
Tyler: We can learn a lot from art and porn; i.e., as you can any sort of media, allowing it to broaden your perspectives. It’s all a matter of mindset.
32. Persephone: I value establishing mutual trust, healthy communication and boundary formation/negotiation and respect, seeing them to be the most vital qualities in any relationship. Do you agree, and if so, why?
Tyler: Healthy boundaries are trust are definitely vital to a relationship. Respect, as well. No one should ever feel uncomfortable in your own relationship.
33. Persephone: How do you orient and what are your thoughts on polyamory insofar as it affects your work? For the layperson/uninitiated, how would you describe the difference between a fuck buddy/FWB and other more casual relationships versus serious ones? Can people be friends and still have sex in a casual manner? What is the most valuable aspect of a friendship regardless if sex is a part of the equation or not?
Tyler: I believe people are very capable of having friends that develop sexual relations, without it developing past that—as long as you set healthy boundaries.
34. Persephone: If you have a partner, do they know about the work that you do? How comfortable are they with it?
Tyler: Yes. In fact, the majority of my content involved him, in some fashion. He’s very comfortable with it and is the reason I even got into it in the first place; i.e., he was my first customer!
35. Persephone: How did you and your partner meet? What do you think makes an ideal partner?
Tyler: We met on Tinder, actually! I must’ve drove into his range and after talking for a while, we had a date (at my work at the time) and then went and got sushi as a dinner. An ideal partner, to me, is someone who gets you and uplifts you, supports you and pushes you to be the best version of yourself.
36. Persephone: What advice would you give incels, nice guys and other cis-het men (or token groups; e.g., TERFs and cis-queer tokens, etc) displaying bigoted attitudes towards women and other marginalized groups?
Tyler: Stop worrying about how other people identify themselves, and start focusing on uplifting others. We should be standing up for each other as human beings; every queer person should feel like they have a family, somewhere they feel accepted.
37. Persephone: Likewise, what advice would you give to more privileged groups that need to understand the value of listening to those more oppressed than them in a larger struggle for liberation?
Tyler: It can be hard to put in to perspective, but everyday tasks can feel like climbing a mountain; i.e., trivial tasks for someone of privilege can be a monumental task for someone of a minority because of the added struggles they may face being a minority.
38. Persephone: What are your thoughts on GNC people who are still in the closet but thinking about coming out? Where should they go and who should they talk to?
Tyler: Everyone needs to go at your own pace; i.e., if you feel safe to come out, do it, but if you feel it’s gonna cause stress and turmoil in your life, maybe it’s best to hold off until you can be safe. But at the end of the day, what matters most is if you’re happy being who you are, then who cares what other people think. Always strive to be yourself. Talk to close friends and people you trust.
39. Persephone: Similarly, for those thinking about doing sex work for the first time, where is a good place to start with that; i.e., what advice would you give to those starting out based on your own experiences?
Tyler: Do what you want to do. Don’t worry about following trends in the community; find what you’re passionate about and do that, don’t conform to what’s popular. Your comfort is important and your content will come out so much better if you’re passionate about it and comfortable doing it!
40a1. Persephone: What’s your idea of the perfect date? The ideal fuck? Do you have an ideal experience of either you’d like to share?
Tyler: My idea of a perfect date is getting to know each other and blabbing to each other until like 3am. As long as someone respects who I am gender- and sexuality-wise, that’s an ideal fuck for me.
40a2. Persephone: What’s your wildest/most enjoyable sexual encounter (e.g., sex in public, in the kitchen while the roomies are home, etc)?
Tyler: Any of my group-play experiences tend to be my more enjoyable encounters; i.e., I’ve had a foursome and feeling wanted by three other people was amazing for me.
40b. Persephone: For you, what’s the cutest thing a partner can do, in bed or out? For example, my partner Bay loves it when new partners come really fast/are having their first time PIV with Bay. Consent, intimacy and affection are all really sexy and fun for Bay. How about you?
Tyler: Show that they desire me, or that they’re thinking about me; e.g., seeing a meme and it reminding them of me, or them telling me they busted a nut thinking about me.
40c. Persephone: What are your thoughts on consensual voyeurism and exhibitionism as educational/entertaining acts? Does being able to be more open and communicative help us learn from each other to see each other as human and also what to watch out for/what to challenge at a systemic level?
Tyler: It is vital in my opinion. Educational voyeurism is extremely important; i.e., being able to explore your kinks in a safe environment can help so much in your sex life. I’ve personally done some classes and kink exploring at a kink club in my state.
41a. Persephone: Does fucking to music, roleplay and other theatrical elements make sex better?
Tyler: It most certainly can; i.e., if it adds to the ambience or vibe go for it.
42. Persephone: If you have any ace leanings, would you like to talk about that in relation to the work that you do?
Tyler: I myself am not ace but I hold deep respect for my ace queer siblings. I’ve had ace partners and I supported them fully.
43. Persephone: Connections between sex workers and clients is often discrete under capital. Can a degree of friendship and intimacy make for a better relationship between the two?
Tyler: One of my favorite parts of being a sex worker is meeting some amazing clients; i.e., I’ve made close friends through doing this line of work. I love meeting mutuals and other sex workers!
44. Persephone: For people struggling with gender expectations like being the right size or pleasing one’s partner and enjoying oneself, is there anything you might recommend?
Tyler: Love yourself, even if you aren’t perfect; find parts of yourself that you see as good; know that everyone is perfect; embrace your uniqueness. Everyone has pictures they may not like of themselves but that doesn’t make it a “bad photo.” Find someone who will appreciate aspects of yourself even if you may not!
45. Persephone: How does it feel being your true self, despite the risks of gay panic and similar moral panics in America and around the world?
Tyler: It’s terrifying but I would rather die being myself than trying to hide away who I am. It’s worth it; being who I am overrides any fear I may experience expressing myself.
46. Persephone: Is there anything else you’d like to say or add before we conclude?
Tyler: This project has been truly enjoyable. I’ve loved working with Persephone, and being able to work with her will always be memorable: for being my first experience like this and also being a pleasant and comfortable-feeling collaboration!
47. Persephone: Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions; and also, for working on Sex Positivity with me! If people want to follow you both, where can they follow you and support what you do?
Tyler: I’m on Bluesky and X (Twitter for real people), and I post my content mostly on OnlyFans and Pornhub—both being free, with some paid videos on OnlyFans. I’m really proud of the content I make, and I hope it can continue to provide enjoyment to people who view it!
About the Author
Persephone van der Waard is the author of the multi-volume, non-profit book series, Sex Positivity—its art director, sole invigilator, illustrator and primary editor (the other co-writer/co-editor being Bay Ryan). Persephone has her independent PhD in Gothic poetics and ludo-Gothic BDSM (focusing on partially on Metroidvania), and is a MtF trans woman, anti-fascist, atheist/Satanist, poly/pan kinkster, erotic artist/pornographer and anarcho-Communist with two partners. Including multiple playmates/friends and collaborators, Persephone and her many muses work/play together on Sex Positivity and on her artwork at large as a sex-positive force. That being said, she still occasionally writes reviews, Gothic analyses, and interviews for fun on her old blog (and makes YouTube videos talking about politics). Any money Persephone earns through commissions or donations goes towards helping sex workers through the Sex Positivity project; i.e., by paying costs and funding shoots, therefore raising awareness. She takes payment on PayPal, Patreon, and CashApp, etc; all links are available on her Linktr.ee. Every bit helps